I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
