I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
