even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
