Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
