Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this boner is exhausting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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