so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
