Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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