Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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