i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
