As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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