she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
