Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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