umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
