dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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