so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
