Banned from zoo.
Again?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
