i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
