All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
