For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
