I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
