I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
