Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
two words...techno handjob
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
