this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
