He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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