Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
