If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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