I'm gonna have a badass scar
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
