Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
