I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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