I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
