i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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