So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
