he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
