just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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