check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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