Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
