I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
