Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
