so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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