i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
