she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
