I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
