I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
