I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
