Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
