Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
