But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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