we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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