you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
