I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
