yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
